dreams of being a hermit

im having dreams of moveing out into the woods, out into the mountains. and being a pyscdo-hermit. im tired of people and "popular" ideas. i want to live so far out away from them. in the quiet and serineity where i can control my energy with out them interfearing.

but....

being totally alone is a trial im not sure i could pass, as much as i dream i could. i have a good handful of good "ture" friends. i just need to take them with me. but that cant happen so what should i do now?

i love living in the hustle and bustle of the big cities, and i hate it. and i love living in the quiet stillness and lonliness of the back woods where no one ventures, and i hate that too. theres no happy meduim. my instenct always tells me i need and want more, but, i know better, i know none of it will make anything better in the end. so what end of life do i fight?

do i keep digging till i feel something, or do i go to the quiet comfert that i know exist in boredem? both have quality but i cant sit still in either.

at this point, i want the forest, and the rain, and the mountian, and the simplicity but im not ready to do it alone. no one to take with me, and even if, it doesnt last.

oh well, life isnt fair, and we are not in control of it.