the push that makes you move

so im awake, not sleeping, poking around the interweb looking for and digesting new music as i love to do. it like narcotics to me sometimes. lol. anyway i ran across a guy called Chris Holmes and hit play and this song just feel on top of me like a brick fucking wall. umm... just listen...

All the Stars in Heaven by Chris Holmes - chris holmes

if heaven knew the reason
that I'm in the state I'm in
the angels would come calling
just to bring you back home again

if I could tell them why
I feel the way I do
they would come running
just to bring my heart
back to you

but I can't go on pretending
that there'll be a happy ending
and I still want you for my life
but I know it isn't right

and of all the stars in heaven
I saw yours shining bright
and of all my heart's desires
I wished for your love tonight

just trying to find a reason
how I could lose a love so true
just trying to find what happened
to the best thing I ever knew

if I could find a way
you know I'd make it all up to you
cause taking you for granted
is the last thing I wanted to do

but I can't go on pretending
that there'll be a happy ending
and I still want you for my life
but I know it isn't right

and of all the stars in heaven
I saw yours shining bright
and of all my heart's desires
I wished for your love tonight

and of all the stars in heaven
I saw yours shining bright
and of all my heart's desires
I wished for your love tonight

Song Of The Moment

We're From America by Marilyn Manson
(available for free download at www.marilynmanson.com)

its great to have Manson back!!! this song has made me very exited about his new album coming out soon! ive always been a manson fan. his last album was, errr, weak. he always had this 90s heavy metal thing going on, than, after his divorce he went and made a love song/ballad album???? i mean, i get it but...??? anyway go get the free download while you still can.

LYRICS:

We're from America, we're from America
Where we eat our young
We're from America, we're from America
It's where Jesus was born
We're from America, we're from America
Where they let you cum on their faces
We're from America, we're from America
We speak American

We don't believe in credibility
Because we know that we're fucking incredible
We don't believe in credibility
Because we know that we're fucking incredible

I wanna be the martyr don't wanna be a victim
Be a killer with a gun so they call me a hero
I wanna be the martyr don't wanna be a victim
Be a killer with a gun so they call me a hero

God is an excuse (x7)
So sing it with me!

We're from America, we're from America, we're from America
You can sing it with me
We're from America, we're from America, we're from America
You can sing it with me

(From America)

Don't like to kill our unborn
We need them to grow up and fight our wars
Don't like to kill our unborn
We need them to grow up and fight our wars

We believe in everything we say
we say it, because we believe it
We believe in everything we say
we say it, because we believe it

We're from America, we're from America, we're from America
You can sing it with me
We're from America, we're from America, we're from America
You can sing it with me

We're from America, you can sing it with me
We're from America, you can sing it with me

We're from America, we're from America
We turn literature into litter
We're from America, we're from America
We believe in being a quitter

Im in recovery, im in recovery, im in recover...y
From America
From America
From America

So sing it with me!

We're from America, we're from America, we're from America
You can sing it with me
We're from America, we're from America, we're from America
You can sing it with me

From America,You can sing it with me
From America,You can sing it with me
(We are, we are)
From America

You can sing it with me

dreams of being a hermit

im having dreams of moveing out into the woods, out into the mountains. and being a pyscdo-hermit. im tired of people and "popular" ideas. i want to live so far out away from them. in the quiet and serineity where i can control my energy with out them interfearing.

but....

being totally alone is a trial im not sure i could pass, as much as i dream i could. i have a good handful of good "ture" friends. i just need to take them with me. but that cant happen so what should i do now?

i love living in the hustle and bustle of the big cities, and i hate it. and i love living in the quiet stillness and lonliness of the back woods where no one ventures, and i hate that too. theres no happy meduim. my instenct always tells me i need and want more, but, i know better, i know none of it will make anything better in the end. so what end of life do i fight?

do i keep digging till i feel something, or do i go to the quiet comfert that i know exist in boredem? both have quality but i cant sit still in either.

at this point, i want the forest, and the rain, and the mountian, and the simplicity but im not ready to do it alone. no one to take with me, and even if, it doesnt last.

oh well, life isnt fair, and we are not in control of it.

update

so yeah, no post in a while. so heres something to chew on thou, really, nobody would really care to read this....

im back in boston (good!!!) the economy sucks so bad here there is no work and i have no job and no money. (bad!!!) im stressing it, but really, what good is that going to do? so i guess im just sitting around being manic/depressed and hoping something pulls thur thou i dont have the energy to pretend to care and i was never a good optimist as it was.

so yeah, you didnt need to hear any of that!

later

....

TODAY'S THE DAY!!!

cock