ugh

im bored....

i said that to a friend of mine in a bar one evening.

he looked back at me and said, "than you're a boring person."

must be ture.

need out of this mess.

before bed... a poem

more time

the fact the time will heal my hurts
is just another sugar coated lie
ive been force-feed through the years.
the fact remains, ive grown past it
ive learned to deal with this responsibly.
i have taught myself not to hate,
to live, learn and appreciate.
but the fact also remains that
some things i will never forget.
in the deep dark cold hours of the night
i dance with these memories.
dance with candles and sad music,
a bitter taste on my lips i will savor.
maybe its better i remember
even if you call me jaded over it.
i fear im too jaded to love again!
these nights are all i have left.

its too
too easy
its too easy
to wish you harm

A.D.D.

so, its 2:50am, i'm tired and strung out. bored and restless. homesick and wanting to go just about anywhere but home. im full of contradictions.

i have all of this energy balled up inside of me and i need for it to explode constructively! i don't really know what i'm feeling i guess. i'm in a low level manic state. never at rest and always unbalanced, which is not like me.

the past year has been surreal. i've made a lot of personal progress within my own psyche i could not be more pleased with any yet, i'm still simmering.

i hate to say this for fear of sounding old, but, what the hell, i need to settle down! in the past 3 years i've lived in RI, MA, CA, and LA. i don't know where i am anymore. as always there things that i want and need, (everyone has wants and needs), but they seem a bit trivial at the moment, all kind of grey. and i can't figure out why. i think that's pestering me the most in the here and now.

i don't often post such personal feeling in this blog. maybe i should more often. to force it out.

so lets try a little exercise... i'm going to think for a moment and make a list of 5 things i want right now. note: not Need, need changes everything completely and make me sound like a monkey thats been watching television all night.

#1 i Want to go home. either providence ri or boston ma. the slow (as in speed and mental capability) workings of the south are really starting to get to me.

#2 when i get home, i Want to go to Back Bay Station in boston during a snow storm and breathe deeply. its not anything you can imagine and the scent will take me spinning back in my mind and play lovely games. train fumes, bums, crisp snow-fresh air, caramelized peanuts and frying sausages and ...

#3 i Want to go to an open mic night somewhere that i can read my poetry to a group of people. its something i've never done and i've been writing a lot as of late.

#4 i Want to quit smoking. mainly cause i've smoked so much today that i have a headache from it. and i would have for energy if not for the shit in ciggs slowing down my still young body.

#5 i Want to lay in bed, lite candles, play mood music, cuddle with a guy under the weight of heavy blankets and get lost in the dance

but i think for now i just need a good nights sleep. not too much to ask for?

Gay Artist Network!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

NEWS!!!! NEWS!!!! NEWS!!!!

i have some very BIG and EXCITING news!!! but i must keep my mouth shut about it for a few more mins.....

....wait with baited breath!!!!!!

POST 200!!!

Song Of The Moment
Bad Reputation by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

I dont give a damn bout my reputation
Youre living in the past its a new generation
A girl can do what she wants to do and thats
What Im gonna do
An I dont give a damn bout my bad reputation

Oh no not me
(no no no no no no no no no)

An I dont give a damn bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
An Im only doin good
When Im havin fun
An I dont have to please no one
An I dont give a damn
bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
(no no no no no no no no no)
Oh no, not me
(no no no no no no no no no)

I dont give a damn
bout my reputation
Ive never been afraid of any deviation
An I dont really care
If ya think Im strange
I aint gonna change!!
An Im never gonna care
bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
(no no no no no no no no no)
Oh no, not me
(no no no no no no no no no)

Pedal boys!

An I dont give a damn
bout my reputation
The worlds in trouble
Theres no communication
An everyone can say
What they want to say
It never gets better anyway
So why should I care
bout a bad reputation
anyway

Oh no, not me
(no no no no no no no no no)
Oh no, not me
(no no no no no no no no no)

I dont give a damn bout my bad reputation
Youre living in the past
Its a new generation
An I only feel good
When I got no pain
An thats how Im gonna stay
An I dont give a damn
bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
(no no no no no no no no no)
Oh no, not
(no no no no no no no no no)
Not me, not me
(no no no no no no no no no)

Song Of The Moment

Midnight Radio by Hedwig and The Angry Inch.

Rain falls hard
Burns dry
A dream
Or a song
That hits you so hard
Filling you up
And suddenly gone

Breathe feel love
Give free
Know in your soul
Like your blood knows the way
From your heart to your brain
Knows that you're whole

And you're shining
Like the brightest star
A transmission
On the midnight radio
And you're spinning
Like a 45
Ballerina
Dancing to your rock and roll]

Here's to Patti
And Tina
And Yoko
Aretha
And Nona
And Nico
And me
And all the strange rock and rollers
You know you're doing all right
So hold on to each other
You gotta hold on tonight

And you're shining
Like the brightest star
A transmission
On the midnight radio
And you're spinning
Your new 45
All the misfits and the losers
Yeah, you know you're rock and rollers
Spinning to your rock and roll

Lift up your hands
Lift up your hands

i hate being bipolar sometimes. crazy-psycho-lonely-depressive mode just turned on. i'll be fine, just need to alone in the darkness.

Ba HUM BuG

so here we are, knee deep into another holiday season. and here it comes... the whining and complaining and bitching about not having enough money for xmas presents, time to plan the family dinner and the stress of having to get along with all of those family members you could really care less about seeing.

i know its become a dark comedy about how xmas sucks but you do it anyway and make up your pathetic little excuses all along way, soooo, why do you still play the game?

if you keep playing their game, child, you're never going to win.

i have no compassion for your or you xmas induced apathy.

that right, ignore me, turn the tv back on, and wallow in it.

enjoy!

there is no jesus so whats the point of xmas? for those of you that just said: "to spend time with my family." how sad that you need such an exsuce to do something for those you love. if you love your dear old aunt eve than pick up the fucking phone and tell her youre coming over to visit with her!

you dont need a holiday to show someone you care about them. youre actions have no substance when theyre being forced out of you from somebody eles ideals. i value my friends and family that do something because they care not becasue its the thing to do for the sake of holiday.

ok, im done, go back to sleep.

belle nuit

rain, thunder, candles, tea and sad music

i'm not jaded, just realistic!

"The Real" Play List

The Real Play List is a collection of some of favorite songs, composed mostly by rare indie musicians. The subjects of these songs consist mainly of love, friendship, and freedom, , The Real ingredients of life and great subjects for down-tempo, organic and mainly acoustic music. This collection has a lot of “passion” in it. I like to call it soul but not the “soul” you hear on late-night college rock stations.

I was going to keep adding but at 3hrs and 45mins I decided just to keep it to the hard to find artist. If you find you love any one artist on the play list; support them and spread the word about them!!! Isn’t it time we hear the words of some other writers besides that of modonnas’?

–X

PS. ALWAYS LISTEN TO THIS PLAY LIST ON RANDOM!!! PLAY THEM LOUD, SING ALONG AND DANCE!!!

Pss. If you start to feel suicidal … well, figure it out. Hahahahaha

Song Title Artist Album
Firefly Aden Mott MySpace Bootleg
Better Alissa Moreno In Your Wake
Geoffrey Alissa Moreno In Your Wake
One More Day Alissa Moreno In Your Wake
Keeping Mine Alissa Moreno In Your Wake
Unafraid Andrew Spice Pretty Demons
Beautiful Creathures Andrew Spice Pretty Demons
Sometimes Lukewarm Andrew Spice Pretty Demons
it's so sad i could cry Armand Aviram
strange as it may sound Armand Aviram
Croissant Chris O'Gorman Demo
Flying Machine Chris O'Gorman My Own Thing
night time in the city Christopher Dallman
There Is a Stone Douglas Wood Broken
Almost Lover A Fine Frenzy SOME CD THAT ISNT OUT YET
Should've Known harold crisman black umbrella days
What's Your Story harold crisman black umbrella days
wish it away harold crisman MySpace Bootleg
For Someone Jake Walden Alive and Screaming
Hirolude Jake Walden Alive and Screaming
We Are Jake Walden Alive and Screaming
Can't Have It All Jay Brannan Goddamned
A Death Waltz Jay Brannan Goddamned
Goddamned Jay Brannan Goddamned
Bowlegged & Starving Jay Brannan Goddamned
Drowning Jay Brannan Out From Under the Bed
Merry-G0-Round Joanna McMeikan Breaking The Habit
Past Unconditional Joanna McMeikan Breaking The Habit
Galatea Joanna McMeikan Breaking The Habit
dancing shoes Marc McBarron Kessler Gifts From MARC
Just for today Marc McBarron Kessler Gifts From MARC
Ugly Boy Marc McBarron Kessler Gifts From MARC
Where I Am Matt Nolen MySpace Bootleg
Time Matt Sabato Apt510
Even If It Means Goodbye Matt Sabato MySpace Bootleg
Separate V.2 Matt Sabato MySpace Bootleg
Since the White Man Came Matt Sabato MySpace Bootleg
That Particular Day Matt Sabato MySpace Bootleg
Putting the Damage On Matthew Luke Sandoval Gift from Matthew
northern lad Matthew Luke Sandoval Tori Amos Covers
heaven (cover) Matthew Luke Sandoval MySpace Bootleg
It Gets Lonely Matthew Luke Sandoval MySpace Bootleg
Nightminds Missy Higgins
Lyin' Phil Putnam Best of Intentions
Famous Love R. Star From the Eye of an Elephant
right now R. Star MySpace Bootleg
City Is Empty Rick Berlin RBLIVE@JACQUES
Sweet Suicide Sacha Sacket Shadowed
I Just Can't Sacha Sacket Shadowed
Shadowed Sacha Sacket Shadowed
Sunshine Second Hand Roses MySpace Bootleg
More Than This Shane Mack MySpace Bootleg
Wearkage Shane Mack MySpace Bootleg
not a love song Stewart Lewis MySpace Bootleg
one thing Stewart Lewis MySpace Bootleg
1BR/1BA Vienna Teng Dreaming Through The Noise
We Are Young ???

contact me if you want the play list.

Music Therapy

Song Of The Moment! (Sunday Special)

GodDamned by Jay Brannan

i just say jay live in Houston TX last night. it was a small and personal show and this song was particularly powerful.

LYRICS:

i'm marching to zion
a camera in my hand
i hear people cryin'
dyin' for this blood-stained land
the streets of old jerusalem
are lined with souvenirs and those buying them
it sounds cold, but i cannot see
how this theme park has shaped history

cuz virgins don't have babies
and water isn't wine
and there's a holy spirit maybe
but she would never rent a room with walls built by mankind
mary and mohammed
are screaming through the clouds
for you to lay your goddamned arms down
rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground

stand in line patiently
to supercharge your rosary
or stuff your prayers inside this wall
we once had god trapped in this great hall
but we've been cast out from this place
they say a prophet floated from here to outer space
am i crazy? maybe it's me
but this all sounds like mythology

cuz virgins don't have babies
and water isn't wine
and there's a holy spirit maybe
but she would never rent a room with walls built by mankind
mary and mohammed
are screaming through the clouds
for you to lay your goddamned arms down
rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground


zeus was afraid of his girlfriend
so he swallowed her in bed
then he bore forth athena
when they cracked open his head
her brother tried to rape her
athena got away
and when his seed hit the ground
the grass gave birth that day
now we all freely admit
this story's clearly bullshit
no one would lay down their life
or start a war for it

so throw your stones and pray
you'll be rewarded someday
i hope it all goes your way
but something tells me
no one's coming to save you
no one's coming to save you
no one's coming to save you
save yourselves
from turning earth into hell


no one's coming to save you
no one's coming to save you
no one's coming to save you
no one's coming to save you
mary and mohammed
are screaming through the clouds
for you to lay your goddamned arms down
rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground

© 2007 Great Depression Publishing

turn up the sound on this a bit, the audio is kind soft:

ugh, i hate pix taken with wide angel lens. they distort faces too much.

thoughts about the world today

i don't usually post much of my own poetry. mostly i post everyone elses lyrics, but, i was driving to my miserable "everything right where it belongs" retail job yesterday afternoon and this just fell out of my head. so fluidly and easily, i pulled over to write down. i can't usually get my ideas on paper this quickly. but this came in one solid thought without a pause, here it was. so i felt i should post it.

its not done, this will be one i keep visiting and adding too, but i'm please with it foundation. so with out furthur a-do.....

my guitar has rusty strings
and my dreams are wearing thin
i'm saying so much
while no one listens

i'm sinking
suffocating under
your ignorance

tell me, if you can
if "ignorance is bliss"
why are you so unhappy?
why are you still complaining?

all i see are cookie-cutter people
fitting together better than puzzle pieces
the places where you overlap
you become invisible
i've no compassion for you anymore

bow our heads

i almost cried today.

almost.

its as close as ive been to crying in over 5 years.

i wish it would just happen already.
i kinda would like to know again what its like to feel.

i want to be a hermit.

ive too much and at the same time, not enough going on. im out of balance and reaching a snappping point. i dont know what to say, or where to turn. im not asking anyone for help, theres nothing you can do anyway. im just so fucking competely disgrunted with myself, and "humanity". i cant stand what everything is turning into and its all in forces out beyond my control.

im going to stop my text ranting now cause i could go on for HOURS and this is a useless form venting.

i look forward to becomeing a hermit.

Lists

for no random reason. a list of my top 10, never get sick of, best loved albums.

1. tori amos – little earthquakes
2. Fiona apple – tidal
3. marilyn manson – antichrist superstar
4. pink floyd – the wall
5. enigma – the screen behind the mirror
6. Tool – Ænima
7. nine inch nails – the downward spiral
8. tori amos – boys for pele
9. alanis morissette – supposed former infatuation junkie
10. imogen heap – speak for yourself

on becoming a grandmother...

i fear im turning into a grandmother, not only can i crochet already, but now i've started making bread! LOL

i've been Craving some REAL artisan french bread. the shitty little town i live in has no such bakeries that make bread for scratch. and NO the bread they make in supper markets is NOT real french and/or italian bread. if you look at the ingredients there all kinds of salts, preservatives, and Shortening! not real! SSoooooo i looked up a resicpe online and make my own bread!

i made it 1 part unbleached flour and 1 part 10 grain flour and then kneeded in roasted garlic, italian spices, and pepper. it fucking ROCKS!!! ***nom nom nom***

Authentic artisan baguettes contain nothing more than flour, salt, yeast, and water. A baguette is typically two feet to 30 inches in length, has an open crumb, a golden brown crust and several overlapping cuts on top.

Your choice of baking equipment will affect the quality of your recipe baguettes. If you are a beginner or an occasional baker, you can make do with baking equipment purchased at your local Walmart. Serious bakers and hobbyists, as well as those who enjoy home entertaining will want quality equipment. The price is higher, but it lasts forever and the results are exemplary.

Traditional baguette pan Recipe baguettes requires that you have either baquette pans such as the Chicago Metallic Professional Perforated Baguette Pan or a baking stone.

A Kitchen Collection 15 Inch Ceramic Pizza Baking Stone costing about $10 will work.

And, since the crispy crust is dependent upon using the minimum amount of additional flour during kneading, you'd be wise to use a pastry cloth and rolling pin cover such as this Pastry Frame Set when you prepare your recipe baguettes.

Recipe Baguettes

1 1/4 tsp yeast
1/4 cup very warm water
4 cups unbleached flour.
2 1/4 tsp kosher salt
1 1/4 cups plus 1 tbsp cool water

Tip: substitute 1 cup unbleached flour with 1 cup cake flour for a softer textured recipe baguettes.


Combine yeast and warm water, stir, and let stand for three minutes. Combine flour(s) and salt in a separate bowl. Pour in the yeast mixture and the cool water. Mix with your hands. Place recipe baguette dough on floured kneading surface and knead until dough is supple but not too smooth. This will take about four minutes. (Use a minimum of additional flour).

Cover recipe baguettes dough with towel and let rest for 20 minutes.

Knead for six minutes or so, until dough is smooth and stretchy. Place dough in oiled bowl, turn to coat, cover with towel and let rise until doubled (about two hours).

Push the dough down gently and fold over itself. Shape into a ball; cover, and rise again until doubled. Place dough on lightly floured surface, divide into thirds, and stretch the first piece into a rectangle. Leave large bubbles in dough. Fold top down and bottom up, as if folding a letter. Roll the loaf to shape into a log. Press lightly to seal the seam. Fold the dough over by a third three times, seal the length of the loaf, then repeat. Aim at drawing the skin tight over the surface but leave some bubbles.

Seal the skin without tearing or deflating. Set aside, and shape the other two pieces of dough the same way.

Roll each recipe baguettes back and forth until each loaf is longer. Put the shaped loaves on a baguette pan if you have one, or on a lightly floured baking sheet lined with parchment paper if you don't. Cover with a floured cloth and rise for half an hour or until loaves are plump but not doubled.

While recipe baguettes dough is rising, heat oven to 500 degrees. If you are not using baguette pans, place a baking stone in the oven to preheat, and place an empty water pan under the stone.

Cut a series of slashes on the top of each baguette, running vertically. Take care not to deflate the loaves when cutting. Mist the loaves with a mister or plant sprayer.

Place the baguette pans in the oven, or gently slide the loaves onto the heated baking stone.

Pour a cup of very hot water into the water pan. Close the door. One minute later, mist the loaves and the oven walls. Close the door. Mist again in two minutes.

Bake for about 10-12 minutes, then reduce the oven temperature to 400 degrees. Bake for 25 minutes or longer until the loavs are golden brown. Cool on a rack.

myspace advertisements make me ill

this stupid shit, pointed at poor un-suspected teens, really bothers me. its media programing.

if you need to fill out a quiz to know if you're in love, than you're NOT!

Song Of The Moment

Would Not Come by Alanis Morissette

If I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
If I am hardened no fear of further abandonment
If I am famous then maybe i'll feel good in this skin and
If I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect and

I would throw a party still
It would not come
I would bike, run, swim and still
It would not come
I'd go traveling and still
It would not come
I would starve myself and still
It would not come

If I am masculine I will be taken more seriously
If I take a break it would make me irresponsible
If I'm elusive I will surely be sought after often
If I need assistance then I must be incapable

I'd be filthy rich and still
It would not come
I would seduce them and still
It would not come
I would drink vodka and still
It would not come
I'd have an orgasm... still
It wouldn't come

If I accumulate knowledge
I'll be impenetrable
If I am aloof no one will know
When they strike a nerve
If I keep my mouth shut the boat
Will not have to be rock-ed
If I am vulnerable I will be
Trampled upon and...

I would go shopping and still
It would not come
I'd leave the country and still
It would not come
I would scream and rebel still
It would not come
I would stuff my face and still
It would not come

I'd be productive and still it would not come
I'd be celebrated still it would not come
I'd the the hero and still it would not come
I'd renunciate and still it would not come

what will they they think of next??

hahahahahaha i just found this website on someones profile, i had to.

fun spam mail

My Name is Rose

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze.

'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked.


She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'

'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this ' time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.'

As we laughed she cleared her throat and be gan, ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.'

She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give.

'Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.'

Bored Quiz Time!!!

9:12am

and the government is already feeding us there lies:

this is how they will PUT mccain in office tonight.

youre being lied to. remember that.

Nov 4, 2008

Election Day glitches

Crowded polling precincts and unexpected snags are straining voters and officials.

The First Image On My Store!!

Click here to go to my Online Store!!!

if you're gay and don't get it, ..., i don't know what to tell ya.

Xavier Armand's Store Now Online!!!

I'm starting to sell come goods off of Cafe Press dot com!

Keep a eye out for more products and designs that are up and coming. And soon some Photography as well!!!

Click here to go to my Online Store!!!

another netwrok profile

Making movies...

...is NOT fun!

They lie on those behind the scenes documentaries!

Well it might be fun for the Actors because THEY ARE ON THE SET LEAST OF ANYONE ONE CREW MEMBER!

I'm so tired I'm sick.

**goes back to bed**

dark n twisted

i want the man who made this video to marry me!!! i love dark n twisted (as i label it) sub-culture art.

this is so very
BEAUTIFUL!!!

i recommend watching this while tripping on sleeping pills.

havmke you any idea just hard it is to ytype. right biw

i feel so dirty...

any of you that know me well know that: I LOATHE WAL-MART!!!!

i loathe wal-mart with more passion than christ. if there was a god, wal-mart would be the anit-christ and devil. i fucking hate them, everything they stand for, what they are doing to this country etc etc etc. ive been boycotting wal-mart for a few years now and harras any of my friends that shop there.

i feel so dirty because today i went into wal-mart to check out their perscription drug prices cause i dont have health insureance and they are so fucking cheap. i can save about $30 to $40 a month by getting them fill at wal-mart soooo... I DID! **ducks from rotten veggys you all just threw at me**

i feel so dirty. i can't shower enough to get this wal-mart tanited vile-fowl-nasty BLA off of me.

when i do get health insureance again. i WILL change pharmacy again and NOT use wal-mart anymore. but for now...

Song Of The Moment

Right Now by Ryan Star (click name to go listen)
great high energy pop rock song!

Lyrics

Right Now

Go Go Go Go

I’m putting all my things in boxes,
I’m gonna throw it all away.
I think I’ve got a good idea but,
Who am I to say.

I’m burning all the things you gave me,
Erasing all my memories.
I thought you were the one to save me,
I was so naive.

I’m about to lose control
So, I’m gonna let it go

Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow may not come.
I’m gonna run to the horizon,
We are strong,
We are young.
I’m gonna lay on the ground,
Feel the rain that’s coming down.
And there’s nothing anyone,
could do or say to bring me down.

Right Now
Right Now

I think its time I started over.
I think I’ll sail away from here.
I’m gonna make a great escape,
Now watch me disappear.

I’m about to lose control
Now I’m gonna let it go

Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow may not come.
I’m gonna run to the horizon,
We are strong,
We are young.
I’m gonna lay on the ground,
Feel the rain that’s coming down.
And there’s nothing anyone,
could do or say to bring me down.
Right Now
Right Now

All we ever have is Right Now,
And all we’ll ever need is here, Right Now

Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow may not come.
I’m gonna run to the horizon,
We are strong,
We are young.
I’m gonna lay on the ground,
Feel the rain that’s coming down.
And there’s nothing anyone,
could do or say to bring me down.

Right Now (Go Go Go Go)
Right Now
Right Now
Right Now

in case yall haven't noticed. my song of the moment changes every moment. haha

Song Of The Moment

1br/1ba by vienna teng

1br/1ba hradwood floors w/vw of trees.
1br/1ba prkg space 4 xtra fee.

My little flock of boxes and I surrounded by a painted-white unknown.
Soon as this wall in my heart comes down, I'm gonna make it feel like home.

1br/1ba: A/C was fine 'til yesterday.
1br/1ba: 89 degrees today.

My upstairs neighbors are making sounds that I never want to hear.
I hope they're just moving furniture around, and really liking their ideas

1br/1ba hradwood floors w/vw of trees.
1br/1ba prkg space 4 xtra fee.

My little flock of boxes and I surrounded by a painted-white unknown.
Soon as this wall in my heart comes down, I'm gonna make it feel like home.

I'm gonna make it feel
I'm gonna make it feel
I'm gonna make it feel like home

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO TRACK ON LAST.FM

PiercedFairyX is ...

... still trying to figure out how i brused my ribs last night! and want you to know, moonshine is the devil.

crazy youtube video

i find this highly disturbing, but hilarious and somehow, strangely erotic!

Boy in a wedding dress

no excuse

hahahahahahahahahahaha, i love it! watch this!

a quick snapshot...

My mother, the Romanian gypsy.

trip on sleeping pills

this is what its like to hallucinate on sleeping pills.

play the video. *not full screen*. look at the red dot in the center until the video says to look away.

Guns

a video of me shooting my first gun. im a good shot too!! look out..
its a fun little novelty but didnt a hard-on ego rush like i thought it would. which is good. the last thing i need is a gun AND a drinking habit. hahaha

Happy Birthday!

im loaded!!! good times! **smiley face**

Song Of The Moment

Pink - Sober

I don’t wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don’t wanna be that call at 4 o’clock in the morning
‘Cos I’m the only one you know in the world that won’t be home

Aah the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oh, I am finding
That’s not the way I want my story to end

I’m safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain
Inside
You’re like protection
How do I feel this good sober?

I don’t wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
Cryin’ scares me cause it screams the truth
Please don’t tell me that we had that conversation
I won’t remember, save your breath, ‘cos what’s the use?

Aah, the night/dawn is calling?
And it whispers to me softly come to/and play
Aah, I am falling
And If I let myself go I’m the only one to blame

I’m safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain
Inside
You’re like perfection
How do I feel this good sober?

I’m coming down, coming down, coming down
Spinning ’round, spinning ’round, spinning ’round
Looking for myself - SOBER (x2)

When it’s good, then it’s good, it’s so good till it goes bad
Till you’re trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just tryna find a fit

Ooo Oooo

I’m safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain
Inside
You’re like perfection
How do I feel this good sober

Ooo Ooo

No Pain
Inside
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain
Inside
You’re like perfection
How do I feel this good sober?

Will I ever feel this good sober?
Tell me, No no no no no pain
How do i feel this good sober?

Playing With Fire

I enjoy quiet evenings of listen to Enigma while sipping tea, relaxing and a little cuddling.

oh shit! i just turned my blog into a pick-up-personal-profile. ahaha

picture time

Song Of The Moment

Just For Today by Marc McBarron Kessler

don't want to be yours
just want to be mine
maybe ill see you
part of the time

don't want to question
answers that you gave
don't want to be still
and i don't want to behave

where ever i go
i'll be okay
cause im here to stay
if just for today

i don't want to grow up
and i don't want to grow old
i don't want to be squeezed
into a mold
don't need a rule book
so don't call me foolish
why run a rat race
ya never can finish

where ever i go
i'll be ok
cause im here to stay
if just for today
where ever i land ill be alright
the strings on this kite
if just for tonight

where ever i go
i'll be okay
cause im here to stay
if just for today

i don't believe in
your religion
i got to break out
cause i'll never finish
i don't want to be mean
and i don't want to be kind
i've got to be me
and see what i find

where ever i go
i'll be okay
cause im here to stay
if just for today
where ever i land ill be alright
the strings on this kite
if just for tonight

just for today
let it all blow away
just for today
i mean what i say
just for today
it will all be okay

i dont know what to write for a review, his music is awesome "rebal piano pop" go listen. i love this song. its as if he wrote it about me.

a couple new self portraits

with mom

just me

Dust in the wind...

coming right up,
are the best days,
of our lives,
if we can just
get through this one...

Song Of The Moment

The Hill, Lyrics by Marketa Irglova
Featured in the motion picture Once

Walking up the hill tonight
and you have closed your eyes
I wish I didn't have to make
all those mistakes and be wise
Please try to be patient
and know that I'm still learning
I'm sorry that you have to see
the strength inside me burning

Where are you my angel now
don't you see me crying?
And I know that you can't do it all
but you can't say I'm not trying
I'm on my knees in front of him
but he doesn't seem to see me
But all his troubles on his mind
he's looking right through me
And I'm letting myself down
beside this fire in you
And I wish that you could see
that half my troubles too

Looking at you sleeping
I'm with the man I love
I'm sitting here weeping
while the hours pass so slow
And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go
And you'll be just a man
once I used to know
And for these past few days
someone I don't recognise
This isn't all my fault
when will you realise

Looking at you leaving
I'm looking for a sign


(found a fan-made video of the song.
someone obsessed with angels,
close youre eye and just listen.)

through his eyes...

through the eyes of the most self-less man i ever had the pleasure of knowing.

tom petits favorite poem:

beyond a misty hill by james kavanaugh

some people never go there, perhaps they never will.

there's an unmarked road, to a silent grove, beyond a misty hill.

they don't send an invitation, i doubt they ever will.
you walk alone to a place i've known beyond a misty hill.

most will never find it. it might not be a thrill,
but the ones like me find a kind of peace,
beyond a misty hill.

there are no maps describing, nor is it found by skill.
it's an unmarked road to a silent grove,
beyond a misty hill.

tom never gave me an invitation, but he gave me the will to open my eyes which let me find my way around this hill. i saw him one year before his death. i am so grateful i got to thank him for his being, in the way, that he changed me and my vision of myself...

Song Of The Moment

all of the BULL~SHIT on the news about our next election has got me listening to this song again.

i hope you all realize that our "elections" are staged, they let us think we have a say in who is the next president. i also hope you realize america is an extremely racist country full of bigots and the companies that pay to put the next president on his soap box is not going to put a black man there. as sad as it is, here comes another war mongering republican.

enjoy your mess, ive got to go buy my plain ticket to France.







self evident by ani difranco

(inspired by the WTC disaster)

yes,
us people are just poems
we're 90% metaphor
with a leanness of meaning
approaching hyper-distillation
and once upon a time
we were moonshine
rushing down the throat of a giraffe
yes, rushing down the long hallway
despite what the p.a. announcement says
yes, rushing down the long stairs
with the whiskey of eternity
fermented and distilled
to eighteen minutes
burning down our throats
down the hall
down the stairs
in a building so tall
that it will always be there
yes, it's part of a pair
there on the bow of noah's ark
the most prestigious couple
just kickin back parked
against a perfectly blue sky
on a morning beatific
in its indian summer breeze
on the day that america
fell to its knees
after strutting around for a century
without saying thank you
or please

and the shock was subsonic
and the smoke was deafening
between the setup and the punch line
cuz we were all on time for work that day
we all boarded that plane for to fly
and then while the fires were raging
we all climbed up on the windowsill
and then we all held hands
and jumped into the sky

and every borough looked up when it heard the first blast
and then every dumb action movie was summarily surpassed
and the exodus uptown by foot and motorcar
looked more like war than anything i've seen so far
so far
so far
so fierce and ingenious
a poetic specter so far gone
that every jackass newscaster was struck dumb and stumbling
over 'oh my god' and 'this is unbelievable' and on and on
and i'll tell you what, while we're at it
you can keep the pentagon
keep the propaganda
keep each and every tv
that's been trying to convince me
to participate
in some prep school punk's plan to perpetuate retribution
perpetuate retribution
even as the blue toxic smoke of our lesson in retribution
is still hanging in the air
and there's ash on our shoes
and there's ash in our hair
and there's a fine silt on every mantle
from hell's kitchen to brooklyn
and the streets are full of stories
sudden twists and near misses
and soon every open bar is crammed to the rafters
with tales of narrowly averted disasters
and the whiskey is flowin
like never before
as all over the country
folks just shake their heads
and pour

so here's a toast to all the folks who live in palestine
afghanistan
iraq

el salvador

here's a toast to the folks living on the pine ridge reservation
under the stone cold gaze of mt. rushmore

here's a toast to all those nurses and doctors
who daily provide women with a choice
who stand down a threat the size of oklahoma city
just to listen to a young woman's voice

here's a toast to all the folks on death row right now
awaiting the executioner's guillotine
who are shackled there with dread and can only escape into their heads
to find peace in the form of a dream

cuz take away our playstations
and we are a third world nation
under the thumb of some blue blood royal son
who stole the oval office and that phony election
i mean
it don't take a weatherman
to look around and see the weather
jeb said he'd deliver florida, folks
and boy did he ever

and we hold these truths to be self evident:
#1 george w. bush is not president
#2 america is not a true democracy
#3 the media is not fooling me
cuz i am a poem heeding hyper-distillation
i've got no room for a lie so verbose
i'm looking out over my whole human family
and i'm raising my glass in a toast

here's to our last drink of fossil fuels
let us vow to get off of this sauce
shoo away the swarms of commuter planes
and find that train ticket we lost
cuz once upon a time the line followed the river
and peeked into all the backyards
and the laundry was waving
the graffiti was teasing us
from brick walls and bridges
we were rolling over ridges
through valleys
under stars
i dream of touring like duke ellington
in my own railroad car
i dream of waiting on the tall blonde wooden benches
in a grand station aglow with grace
and then standing out on the platform
and feeling the air on my face

give back the night its distant whistle
give the darkness back its soul
give the big oil companies the finger finally
and relearn how to rock-n-roll
yes, the lessons are all around us and a change is waiting there
so it's time to pick through the rubble, clean the streets
and clear the air
get our government to pull its big dick out of the sand
of someone else's desert
put it back in its pants
and quit the hypocritical chants of
freedom forever

cuz when one lone phone rang
in two thousand and one
at ten after nine
on nine one one
which is the number we all called
when that lone phone rang right off the wall
right off our desk and down the long hall
down the long stairs
in a building so tall
that the whole world turned
just to watch it fall



and while we're at it
remember the first time around?
the bomb?
the ryder truck?
the parking garage?
the princess that didn't even feel the pea?
remember joking around in our apartment on avenue D?

can you imagine how many paper coffee cups would have to change their design
following a fantastical reversal of the new york skyline?!

it was a joke, of course
it was a joke
at the time
and that was just a few years ago
so let the record show
that the FBI was all over that case
that the plot was obvious and in everybody's face
and scoping that scene
religiously
the CIA
or is it KGB?
committing countless crimes against humanity
with this kind of eventuality
as its excuse
for abuse after expensive abuse
and it didn't have a clue
look, another window to see through
way up here
on the 104th floor
look
another key
another door
10% literal
90% metaphor
3000 some poems disguised as people
on an almost too perfect day
should be more than pawns
in some asshole's passion play
so now it's your job
and it's my job
to make it that way
to make sure they didn't die in vain
sshhhhhh....
baby listen
hear the train?

Song Of The Moment

Everything Comes From You by Richard Evans, Joji Hirota, Sevara Nazarkhan, Sinead O'Connor, Guo Yue featured on the album Big Blue Ball produced by Peter Gabriel and Friends.

"Everything Comes From You" (featuring Richard Evans, Joji Hirota, Sevara Nazarkhan, Sinead O'Connor, Guo Yue)

Big Blue Ball is an album by multiple artists which grew from "recording weeks" at Peter Gabriel's Real World Studios in the early 1990s.

In production for more than 15 years, "Big Blue Ball" is a project featuring several artists from all around the world working together.

There are two CD editions of the album with different covers, And a limited edition of 1000 copies of the album have been released on blue vinyl

ENIGMA!!! ENIGMA!!! ENIGMA!!!

holy fucking jerk off, for evera and tomorrow.

ENIGMA posted about half of its up coming album on their myspace page...

http://www.myspace.com/enigmaplanet

go listen!!!!

i'm really liking it, its got a lot of bass, with slow hardrock/hiphop break beats mixed in. only someone as smart as the guy behind enigma could make this work.

nine-eleven was an inside job!

here it is, 9/11, the anniversary of the us government internal terrorists attack. thank got i dont have a tv. i wouldnt want to turn it on and listen to all the bullshit the media is force feeding you to keep you fooled. dont believe me? well if your easily brainwashed by a media force, what this video and SHARE IT! it dosent take much common sense to see it. dont believe this video? well than go on youtube.com and search all the other 9/11 archival footage, youll see the correlations.

MUSIC, I LOVE MUSIC...

been a while sense i posted. been busy getting a business blog up and running. www.blog.xavierarmand.com, been a bit tricky to get up cause im hosting it out of my website rather than google or wordpress. but more about that in a minute.

last night, after i got tired of hours of web design. i went onto myspace and started checking on some of the bands i have friended, got annoyed that they were spread out over two accounts. SO. i made a new myspace to add only bands too. so i can keep up with only them without getting distracted by other shit. the url is: http://www.myspace.com/itsallthemusic

i also, finally, payed some attention to the http://www.last.fm/user/PiercedFairyX account i made a long while back to check out what that network had to offer...

hang in there, im getting to my point...

i download a fun widget that shows what ive been listening to through my iTunes. (see the widget in my side bar) when you go to install the last.fm software it goes into your itunes library and upload all the info into your account, add all the artist youve listened to, give you recommendations, etc etc...

the greatest thing it does, i think, what show you a text file of the number of songs your itunes has played. IN TOTAL (which i dont believe you can see in itunes)

my itunes has over 68,000 plays!!!!!

68,274!!!! THATS A LOT OF FUCKING MUSIC.

i refomatted my computer in october of 2005. so that list is just in the past 3 years. if the average song is 4mintues long it would end up equaling 273,096 minutes, or, 4,552 hours of music!

I LOVE MUSIC!

but!!! its not that much, if you take into account that avg american watches an avg of 4hours of tv an evening, after 3 years that ends up being 4,380 hours of sitting there brain dead.

thank the holy mother earth, i dont own and/or watch tv. at least when im listing to music, im also working on other things, reading, cleaning, web design, walking with my ipod, thinking!!! etc. how much porn i watch is another subject all together. hahaha.

anyway, just a bit fun seeing all that.

later
x

NEW ENIGMA!!!!

the album is released in a week!! just found this leaked video on youtube... i cannot fucking wait!!!!

Good News - Bad News - Good News - Bad News

Good News-

i got a job as a teaching assistant and my former college, new england school of photography. where ill be doing all the teachers dirty work, sitting in on classes and helping out and working one on one with students on their development of ideas and the use of their equipment to show them how to capture said ideas.

Bad News-

unknowing, when i applied, it is an Unpaid position! i thought it was, at least, low pay, not none at all.

Good News-

i will get Full benefits of the school resources as if i were a full time student again (ie, FREE studio rentals, FREE equipment rentals, FREE dark room rental, FREE mock circurlaum so i can buy equipment direct from manufactures at student discount prices! FREE so on and so fourth) it is also flexible in that i can get a full time, paying, job and work both. which im totally fine with and looking forward to.

Bad News-

my job hunt is not over!!! i loathing looking for a job, its such a pain in the ass.

Song Of The Moment

Not Now But Soon by Imogen Heap

Not now but soon,
Terrifying best, days of our lives,
Standing by the best days of our lives,
Magnificent, the best days of our lives,
Big bang boom, the best days of our lives
No two ways about it, best days of our lives
They’re coming right up
If we can just get through this one.

Nazi America

Did you watch the news today???

the sun is coming up

when the sun is coming up, its time for me to go to bed. i feel good and im floating around. havent done all this in a long while and its good. only ever so often. the sun is almost up. good night, have to go to bed or ill turn to stone.

postsecret

just found this on this weeks PostSecret blog. it gave me a giggle...

Club Hell

i went to club hell last night for there, err, second time in about 3 years. it was fun. more fun than the last hand full of times i remember going. the music has changed drastically from when i was there first but it all good. i wouldn't call it a fetish club anymore, just an over-sexual rock n roll club. maybe ill start going again, it was refreshing not to be in a gay bar where i was hear modonnas 4mins bullshit song. i always like the alt bois.

tata

new england summer

in the moon light we are all so pretty
beautiful we hold on tight to
night time in this city

Home.

i like sad music

yeah im weird.

sing that song again till i can't get off the floor.

pull me down into the depth of wanting.

don't relent cause life never does.

i like sad music

LOOK OUT!!!

im watching the sun rise and drinking the vodka right from the bottle. ahhh what a night!

"im waiting for the world to hear my song so they can tell i was wrong."