Dried Memories.

a random, likely, insanifcant snapshot i just took. just a bit of Dried Memories but i thought id share nonetheless. enjoy.

Alone

i'm alone on xmas, and the best part is, you don't know how HAPPY that makes me!!!!
ba-hum-bug!

LONELINESS AND DESIRE

SHINE BY DEPECHE MODE

Put on your blindfold
And a dress that's tight
And come with me
On a mystery night
Open your eyes

Follow our stars under a painted sky
We'll leave the world behind
We're learning to fly
We used to get by

Forget the pictures on your TV screen
We'll steal the visions
That you keep for your dreams
You can turn me on

I was blind and I saw the light
My angel coming
In a brilliant white
Shine for me

You've been hanging from a rope of mediocrity
Strung up by your insecurities
You can shine for me
Somebody has to
Shine for me
It's difficult not to
Shine for me

Follow our stars under a painted sky
We'll leave the world behind
We're learning to fly
We used to get by

Forget the pictures on your TV screen
We'll steal the visions
That you keep for your dreams
You can turn me on

You've been hanging from a rope of mediocrity
Strung up by your insecurities
You can shine for me
Somebody has to
Shine for me
It's difficult not to
Shine for me
Somebody has to
Shine for me
It's difficult not to
Shine for me

it kinda feels right for right now

production

a practical application for xmas lights! tools: old wood frame, silver spray paint, staple gun, a string of clear xmas lights = new sculpture/lighting device! which gives off a very faint and smooth mood light.

New Self-Portrait

"Touched"

Usually I make it a point NOT to censor myself. Though, I know some of family members occasionally look at my blog so I'm doing a courtesy here to cover the cock. If anyone is interested in see the unedited photo, let me know, I'll send it along or point you to a website where it remains unblemished.

chakra ...

a new education. a new vision to see with.

Believe in Yourself.

Do not believe what you have heard.

Do not believe in tradition because it is handed down many generations.

Do not believe in anything that has been spoken of many times.

Do not believe because the written statements come from some old sage.

Do not believe in conjecture.

Do not believe in authority or teachers or elders.

BUT after careful observation and analysis, when it agrees with REASON and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it.

- Buddha

Re-Hi

long time no update to all my blog readers. all 2 of you. (or who know might be -3 by now cause i havent updated much this summer) in any case i havent forgotten my blog!

ive been busy. new job, new move, new adjustments to my life and retinue(s). my summer was rather uneventful. couldnt find work in new england, couldnt get off the ground or make anything happen. so i didnt do much. the 2nd great depression our country is experiencing got a hold of which brought my on depression back in full swing. but here i am pulling myself out of it with meds.

i moved back to LoosEanna (sigh). but i moved back to go back to work at the animal hospital. which i LOVE. so im busying working again and getting settled into new living arrangements so on and so fourth. making new goal with my job to work up the ladder to become a vet tech. from there i see an airplane again. thats as far ahead as im looking at the moment. excited for my goal which helps.

so in a nut shell that was the past 6 months in 3 pharagraphs. (haha ohh well). and, as i said, i havent forgotten about my blog. been thinking about things to update with, such as...

#1 all the new music ive discovered in the past months (im always doing that)

#2 some enteries about my half-read pile of books. theres 5 or 6 in pile right now that im all kinda reading at once. (ive a bad habit of starting books and moving to another one before i finish the previous 3) maybe blogging bout them will help me speed thur the rest of them.lol

#3 i can go digging thur some pix ive taken recently and do a photo-blog update

so stick around. new stuff is coming!

Happy 8th!

thats all!

Digging In The Past

found these self-portraits in a box in the basement. i don't know what to say about them except they're powerful for me... in some sick way...

Sex Toys Rock!!!

"you don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing!"
-- i can't remember who said this but it fits here sooo we'll go with it.

So i have found a way to bring together my sex addiction and my music addiction!!! and just discovered the best sex toy ever!

its called an "OhMiBod", it's designed to work with your ipod (or any other audio jack output system) and it vibrates to the mid-tone of the music. FUCKING AMAZING!

i highly recommend it. i got the "Naughtinano" design. it's slim, contoured, smooth and conforatable! it brings a whole new meaning to "plug and play". ha

anyway heres a link to their website. check it out and push your limits people!

http://www.ohmibod.com
click there to feel the music!

Song Of The Moment

Drive by Melissa Ferrick.

I'm loving this song. It makes me a little hott! **gasp** i wish i guy would cover it!

LYRICS:

If you want this
if you want this
if you want this, you’re gonna have to ask
nicely please
yeah if you want this
you’re gonna have to ask me
you’re gonna have to ask me

Whatever you want
I’ll give it to you
I’ll give it to you slowly
‘till you’re just begging me to hold you
ya whatever you want
whatever you want
but you’re gonna have to ask me

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
that’s right
that’s right

In the kitchen
in the shower
and in the back seat of my car
I’ll hold you up
in your office
preferably during business hours
‘cause you know how I like it when there’s people around
and I know how you like it
yeah I know how you like it
I know how you like it when I tease you for hours

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
and my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
oh and this has just begun

Yeah this has just begun
because we haven’t even gotten started yet
I haven’t even
I haven’t even tied you up
I haven’t even turned you over
this is where I want to live
right here between your hips
where all the love you hold and hide
it’s where it lives
right here between your hips
this is where I want to live
it’s where all the love you give exists

Your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
your head is bent back
your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
I’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
I’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘’till you feel the daylight
that’s right
yeah
that’s right
that’s right
that’s right
I’ll hold you up
that’s right
that’s right
I’ll drive you all night

To my fellow queens and their Drama...

Woah, wait a minute - not so quick
You go from zero to ticked off and losing it
Could somebody please tell me what just happened then

Manage to always ruin the mood somehow
Well I'm over combing through the details now
Far too complicated to bother with it

Forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn
But I'm not as young as I used to be
And you live and you learn
Forgive me if I'm pushing on my luck
But I've been through this a million times
And now I have no truck with it

Yeah we all got luggage and we all got scars
But I know for a fact it shouldn't be this hard
I've seen it on Dr Phil, I know all about it

And no I'm not mad, I just don't wanna play
I know the script and I hate that game

lyrics from: No Truck by Kate Miller-Heidke

i've got nothing
to prove this time
just something
to show you

. . .

i wander the halls, along the walls, and under my breathe i say to myself i need fuel to take a flight

HYPOCRISY

couldn't of put it better myself, should be an american child and signs in this picture thou.

Song Of The Moment

(the great depression edition)

So the summer is over, and it was pretty much a waste. thats why i havent update much. so anyway as i always say: "bitching does no good cause it dosent change anything" so i shut up now and revile my song of the moment. it seems to ring a nice bell with my current situations.

32 Flavors by Ani Difranco

Lyrics:

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and i have done well by their names
just the kindness i've lavished on strangers
is more than i can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so i would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
till i'd passed and left them alone

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a phoenix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying past

i'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and i would like to state for the record
i did everything that i could do
i'm not saying that i'm a saint
i just don't want to live that way
no, i will never be a saint
but i will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

some new design work, soon to be bumper stickers on my online store.

http://www.cafepress.com/xavierarmand

and many more inbewteen

1. Paris, France


2. Boston, MA, USA


3. New Orleans, LA, USA


4. Seattle, WA, USA

• Create your own travel map or travel blog


• Flights comparison at TripAdvisor

We are biology.

I'm currently reading a book entitled: Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach.

It's a very interesting and, as some would deem, "morbid" read. And I love it! The following passage is a great example of why I love to read morbid, dark n twisted, and disturbing sub-culture art, of sorts.

The follow is two paragraphs from the third chapter, Life After Death: On human decay and what can be done about it. The author is in a medical school witnessing a embalming, this is transcription:

Drops of sweat bead the inside surface of Nichole's splash shield. We've been here more than an hour. It's almost over. Theo looks at Mack, "Will we be suturing the anus?" He turns to me. "Otherwise leakage can wick into the funeral clothing and it's an awful mess."

I don't mind Theo's matter-of-factness. Life contains these things: leakage and wickage and discharge, pus and snot and slime and gleet. We Are Biology. We are reminded of this at the beginning and the end, at birth and at death. In between we do what we can to forget.

I love the LACK of political-correctness here, this is life, this is what we are, why the fuck are you such a god-damn pansy about everything? More people should realize these things. I highly recommend this book and ive not finished it yet.

last.fm tag cloud!!!

I'm Only Going To Say This Once...

i just want to clarify an common homo slang. before you all start gay-bashing, just shut up, cause i'm homo too!

The North American Union

More Spam Mail

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU


Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want - stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep o r after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

The Wailing Wall

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going the the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was walking slowly up to the holy site. She waited him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion, she approached him for an interview...

"Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"

"Maury Fishbein." he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years." he stated.

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man!"

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" she asked her final question.

"I feel like I'm talking to a fuckin' wall." he bluntly barked.

HAHAHA

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already. Feel free to forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique...

An Unquiet Mind

right now i'm reading An Unquiet Mind (a memoir of moods and madness) by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison. its about a professor of psychiatry battle with her own Manic-Depressive Disorder. im about half way thru in a night. its very captivating and rather frightening because i understand it all to well because im manic-depressive too. but anyway, i have to transcribe this paragraph because it struck so close to home it stopped my speed reading in my tracks. as any of my friends well know im a music fanatic, i drownd myself in it. this is so familiar and nearly a daily practice of mine. anyway.... the quote is as follows....

"My awareness and experience of sounds in general and music in particular were intense. Individual notes from a horn, an oboe, or a cello became exquisitely poignant. I heard each note alone, all notes together, and then each and all with piercing beauty and clarity. I felt as though I were standing in the orchestra pit; soon, the intensity and sadness of classical music became unbearable to me. I became impatient with the pace, as well as overwhelmed by the emotion. I switched abruptly to rock music, pulled out my Rolling Stones albums, and played them as loud as possible. I went from cut to cut, album to album, matching mood to music, music to mood. Soon my rooms were further strewn with records, tapes, and album jackets as I went on my way in search of the perfect sound. The chaos in my mind began to mirror the chaos of my rooms; I could no longer process what I was hearing; I became confused, scared, and disoriented. I could not listen for more than a few minutes to any particular piece of music; my behavior was frenetic, and my mind more so."

kayaking is fun!

the FAGGOT drug!

i loathe this shit and its taking over!

Kill For the jesus!

fireflies will be our only light in heaven

I wish I was a glow worm
A glow worms never glum
Cause how can you be grumpy
when the sun shines out your bum

My Sisters

i would like to introduce you to my lovely sisters!

left to right, top to bottom.

Loraze Pam
Diaze Pam
Alproazo Pam
Clonaze Pam

they make me happy when im sad. :)

Holocaust Survivor Leaving US

This is sad, please read this and repost it everywhere!

Monday, May 02 2005 @ 03:02 PM PDT
Contributed by: Joey Picador

One of our neighbors is moving. I've been in this neighborhood for about six
years now, but didn't really know them very well at all - just waves and
nods, mostly.

So I heard the moving van pull up this morning. When I got home this evening
I happened to spy my neighbor (he's like 85 years old - I don't know
exactly, but he's old, talks and moves very slowly) standing on the sidewalk
next to the van. I walked over and shook his hand, and we started talking. I
asked him where he was moving, and he said, "Back to Germany."

I had been stationed in Germany for two years while in the military, so I
lit up, and commented about how beautiful the country was, and inquired if
he was going back because he missed it.

"No," he answered me. "I'm going back because I've seen this before." He
then commenced to explain that when he was a kid, he watched with his family
in fear as Hitler's government committed atrocity after atrocity, and no one
was willing to say anything. He said the news refused to question the
government, and the ones who did were not in the newspaper business much
longer. He said good neighbors, people he had known all his life, turned
against his family and other Jews, grabbing on to the hate and superiority
"as if they were starved for it" (his words).

He said he was too old to see it happen right in front of his eyes again,
and too old to do anything about it, so he was taking his family back to
Europe on Thursday where they would be safe from George W. Bush and his
neocons. He seemed resolute, but troubled, nonetheless, as if being too
young on one end and too old on the other to fight what he saw happening was
wearing on him.

I gotta tell you - it was chilling. I let him talk, and the whole time, my
gut was churning, like I had mutated butterflies in my stomach. When he was
finished, he shook my hand, gripping it really hard, until his knuckles
turned white and he was shaking. He looked me in the eyes, hard, and said,
"I will pray for your family and your country." He let go of my hand and
hobbled away.

I have related this event to you in the hopes it will serve as a cautionary
anecdote about the state of our Union, and to illustrate the path we
Americans are being led down by a group of fanatics bent on global economic
and military dominion. When a man who survived the fruits of fascism decides
its time to leave THIS country because he's seeing the same patterns that
led to the Holocaust and other Nazi horrors beginning to form here, it is
time for us to recognize the underlying evil inherent in the actions of
those who claim they work for all Americans, and for all mankind. And it is
incumbent upon all Americans, Red and Blue, Republican and Democrat, to stop
them.

____________
Justice For None.
http://justicefornone.com//article.php/20050527204356114

Random Pix Update

shitty hand held point n shoot fireworks pix and Mamma Nelly and her babies.

more on your freedom....

self evident by ani difranco

(inspired by the WTC disaster)

yes,
us people are just poems
we're 90% metaphor
with a leanness of meaning
approaching hyper-distillation
and once upon a time
we were moonshine
rushing down the throat of a giraffe
yes, rushing down the long hallway
despite what the p.a. announcement says
yes, rushing down the long stairs
with the whiskey of eternity
fermented and distilled
to eighteen minutes
burning down our throats
down the hall
down the stairs
in a building so tall
that it will always be there
yes, it's part of a pair
there on the bow of noah's ark
the most prestigious couple
just kickin back parked
against a perfectly blue sky
on a morning beatific
in its indian summer breeze
on the day that america
fell to its knees
after strutting around for a century
without saying thank you
or please

and the shock was subsonic
and the smoke was deafening
between the setup and the punch line
cuz we were all on time for work that day
we all boarded that plane for to fly
and then while the fires were raging
we all climbed up on the windowsill
and then we all held hands
and jumped into the sky

and every borough looked up when it heard the first blast
and then every dumb action movie was summarily surpassed
and the exodus uptown by foot and motorcar
looked more like war than anything i've seen so far
so far
so far
so fierce and ingenious
a poetic specter so far gone
that every jackass newscaster was struck dumb and stumbling
over 'oh my god' and 'this is unbelievable' and on and on
and i'll tell you what, while we're at it
you can keep the pentagon
keep the propaganda
keep each and every tv
that's been trying to convince me
to participate
in some prep school punk's plan to perpetuate retribution
perpetuate retribution
even as the blue toxic smoke of our lesson in retribution
is still hanging in the air
and there's ash on our shoes
and there's ash in our hair
and there's a fine silt on every mantle
from hell's kitchen to brooklyn
and the streets are full of stories
sudden twists and near misses
and soon every open bar is crammed to the rafters
with tales of narrowly averted disasters
and the whiskey is flowin
like never before
as all over the country
folks just shake their heads
and pour

so here's a toast to all the folks who live in palestine
afghanistan
iraq

el salvador

here's a toast to the folks living on the pine ridge reservation
under the stone cold gaze of mt. rushmore

here's a toast to all those nurses and doctors
who daily provide women with a choice
who stand down a threat the size of oklahoma city
just to listen to a young woman's voice

here's a toast to all the folks on death row right now
awaiting the executioner's guillotine
who are shackled there with dread and can only escape into their heads
to find peace in the form of a dream

cuz take away our playstations
and we are a third world nation
under the thumb of some blue blood royal son
who stole the oval office and that phony election
i mean
it don't take a weatherman
to look around and see the weather
jeb said he'd deliver florida, folks
and boy did he ever

and we hold these truths to be self evident:
#1 george w. bush is not president
#2 america is not a true democracy
#3 the media is not fooling me
cuz i am a poem heeding hyper-distillation
i've got no room for a lie so verbose
i'm looking out over my whole human family
and i'm raising my glass in a toast

here's to our last drink of fossil fuels
let us vow to get off of this sauce
shoo away the swarms of commuter planes
and find that train ticket we lost
cuz once upon a time the line followed the river
and peeked into all the backyards
and the laundry was waving
the graffiti was teasing us
from brick walls and bridges
we were rolling over ridges
through valleys
under stars
i dream of touring like duke ellington
in my own railroad car
i dream of waiting on the tall blonde wooden benches
in a grand station aglow with grace
and then standing out on the platform
and feeling the air on my face

give back the night its distant whistle
give the darkness back its soul
give the big oil companies the finger finally
and relearn how to rock-n-roll
yes, the lessons are all around us and a change is waiting there
so it's time to pick through the rubble, clean the streets
and clear the air
get our government to pull its big dick out of the sand
of someone else's desert
put it back in its pants
and quit the hypocritical chants of
freedom forever

cuz when one lone phone rang
in two thousand and one
at ten after nine
on nine one one
which is the number we all called
when that lone phone rang right off the wall
right off our desk and down the long hall
down the long stairs
in a building so tall
that the whole world turned
just to watch it fall



and while we're at it
remember the first time around?
the bomb?
the ryder truck?
the parking garage?
the princess that didn't even feel the pea?
remember joking around in our apartment on avenue D?

can you imagine how many paper coffee cups would have to change their design
following a fantastical reversal of the new york skyline?!

it was a joke, of course
it was a joke
at the time
and that was just a few years ago
so let the record show
that the FBI was all over that case
that the plot was obvious and in everybody's face
and scoping that scene
religiously
the CIA
or is it KGB?
committing countless crimes against humanity
with this kind of eventuality
as its excuse
for abuse after expensive abuse
and it didn't have a clue
look, another window to see through
way up here
on the 104th floor
look
another key
another door
10% literal
90% metaphor
3000 some poems disguised as people
on an almost too perfect day
should be more than pawns
in some asshole's passion play
so now it's your job
and it's my job
to make it that way
to make sure they didn't die in vain
sshhhhhh....
baby listen
hear the train?

PiercedFairyX's address to the nation, on this, The 4th of July...

Eleven score and Two years ago, our fathers brought forth a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal--- except that is for Homosexuals, Aliens, the Sick and Poor, and god-forsake, innocent Native Americans, whom we've raped and murdered in the name of our own self-serving hypocrisy. Then came Ronald Regan and his NEW WORLD ORDER and the fucking BUSHES to further push the momentum!!! And now it is a battle for a world of Christian Morality which is subsidized by multi-million dollar corporations whom pay into the regime for liberty and justice for the elite of the wealthy. Whom use the media as social shield to keep the unsuspecting public fooled and inert to the fact that our original constitution shrinks in size with every bill passed. Further distraction is added by the feeding of fear and intimidation of the publics safety through selected and censored news stories of murder and mayhem. I wonder when the 6 O'Clock news is going to come forward and release the details the North American National Identification Card Act which is being process as you sit and watch your fireworks. I'll stop with my diatribe now, I could on for pages and pages of the contradictions that this country represents. Just please try to remember,

"You're Being Lied To!"

fuck off...

Happy day of tyranny and injustice for all our innocent Native Americans! America is the home of the hypocrites!

forever...

siobhan and i at pride 09

Come Away From It!!!

Do you want to get off?
Is this your stop?
I mean, what makes you so lavish
That you can afford
To spend every sober moment feeling
angry and bored?!?!

Random Pix From Camping

i went camping with some friends this weekend. like sleeping on the ground (cause the air mattress kept leaking!) in the cold with bugs and bears! this is the first time ive been camping sense Woodstock '99, 10 years ago.

i dont like camping much but i did have fun none the less. i love the wood, but usually i just spend a few hours hiking in them to get my full. anyway here are handful of random pix from the trip.

Random Pix of the Moment

Song of the Moment

Leave a Scar by Marilyn Manson

(even after a decade Manson is still writing songs that make me smile!)

Lyrics:

It's not like I made myself a list
Of new and different ways of murdering your heart
I'm just a painting that's still wet
If you touch me I'll be smeared, you'll be stained
Stained for the rest of your life

So turn around walk away before you confuse the way we abuse each other
You're not afraid of getting hurt
And I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you

Well aware I'm a danger to myself
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul you thought was a smile

Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna to leave a scar
Leave a scar, leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna to leave a scar

I'm more like a silver bullet
And I'm like a gun, not easy to hold
I'm moving fast and if I stay inside your heart
I'm certain that this will be the end of your life

So turn around walk away before you confuse the way we abuse each other
You're not afraid of getting hurt
And I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you

Well aware I'm a danger to myself
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul you thought was a smile

Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna to leave a scar
Leave a scar, leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna to leave a scar

Should warn you that you may fuck me
But chances are I'm gonna fuck you over
Should warn you that you may fuck me
But chances are I'm gonna fuck you over
Should warn you that you may fuck me
But chances are I'm gonna fuck you over
Should warn you that you may fuck me
But chances are I'm gonna fuck you over

photo updates

havent posted much lately. heres some pix of goings on recently.

Song of the Moment

long time no post....

Damaged by Plumb

Dreaming comes so easily
'Cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm ashamed
And I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know

Im scared and
i'm alone
im ashamed and
i need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

There's mending for my soul
An ending to this fear
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger
I was just a little girl, but I can't go back

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

i cant go back...
i cant go back...
i must go on...
i must go on...

a poorly made fan video, dont watch it, just listen.

If I Haven't Offended You Yet....

...I Hope This Does IT!!!!!

i think this my, new, most favorite song ever!

The Tiger Lillies - Banging In The Nails

Click play to listen!

LYRICS:

I'm crucifying Jesus, banging in the nails,
And I am so happy, because old Jesus failed.
I'm crucifying Jesus, nail him to the cross,
The poor old bastard bleeds to death and I don't give a toss.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm crucifying Jesus, in my piss he bathes.
I think I am a pervert, I think I am depraved
I'm crucifying Jesus, beat him to a pulp,
I stick my organ in his mouth and on it he must gulp.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

You see that crown of thorns upon his head?
Well that was my idea.
I think I might be going to hell,
Oh dear!

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

I'm bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
banging in the nails.

Mainstream-O-meter

this is my mainstream music statistic based on the top plays in my music library from the past year. i'm quiet proud at how low this number is!

New Years Resolution

OK OK, I KNOW, im about 3 months late posting my NYR, sorry, im a flake.

so as it is, my NYR was to let my hair grow long again! for those of you who knew me as a teenage remember i had hair just past my shoulders and then when i was 17 i let a friend cut it all off! and that was it. i could never stand to let it grow to the lengeth it was before.

every time i tried to let it grow back out itd get to be a couple/few inches long and it turns into a big mess of a poofy ball that i cant do anything with. so i get pissed and shave it off, bleach it yellow and start over!

so i havent shaved my head sense new years and its all big and poofy cause its not heavy enough yet to pull it down flat. theres too much of it to put product in and have it look good. so i have to wear a hat all the time cause ITS FUCKING PISSING ME OFF and I WANT TO SHAVE IT!

but no i cant yet. patience was never one of my values.

but in any case, im still working on my NYR, how are you doing with yours?

PS. I don’t make serious NYR anymore. They silly when you think about them; You set a historical date and use it as an excuse to better yourself? If theres something you really want to do and/or change regarding yourself. Have the substance with yourself to do it any day of the year. Just because the day is Jan 1 dosent mean your chances of quiting smokeing are any better if you don’t work at it.

heres a pic of me when i was about 15/16. this is early long hair stages. later is was 3 Xs this length. this is kinda where i want to get to this year.