Spreading My Wings In The AM

off to new orleans in the morning for a day/night trip. can't hardly contain myself. what fun!

for the movies

OH MY FUCKING GAWD!
IM SO TIRED AND SORE!!!

but you cant beat the pay. i just made $1000 for 3 days of work!!!! insane!!!

New Job!

im not sure if the reality of it has set into my mind yet. ive a new job. its mega long hours, pretty good money, will look great on my resume and ill be deal with a lot of people with loads of creativity. my new job title reads...

Personal Assistant to Location Manager of a lovely Hollywood corporation.

this is kinda a dry run. if i do good for this movie im all fucking in! i dont think ill have much of an online life much anymore.

omg im tired! good night! i will be to sleep soon!

"That's a wrap!" ...

... is the words I spent all day waiting for. I just picked up a nice little gig/job working for Craft Services for the movies (CS = sissy catering). Basically its an easy job with LLLOOOONNNGGG hours. But the money is great!!!

Breakdown: We work on avg. 15+ hours a day at $24/hr (the breakdown table is the best part!)

• hrs 1 thru 8 = $24/hr
• hrs 8 thru 12 = $36/hr (time + 1/2)
  
• hrs 12+ = $48 (double time)

So, our avg. day on set equals $384 per day for 15 hours. There are days where we do up to 18 hours.

You poor extras don't know how bad you get it in Hollywood. Seeing how I've now done both jobs. I have a good idea of that.

UGH. My feet hurt and and I have to go to sleep, cause, one draw back of working 12+ hours a day is i get less than 12 hrs to sleep at night.

Good Night!

growing restless...

Well I can't tell you where I'm going, I'm not sure of where I've been
But I know I must keep travelin' till my road comes to an end
I'm out here on my journey, trying to make the most of it
I'm a puzzle, I must figure out where all my pieces fit
Like a poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home
Where that is no one can tell me, am I doomed to ever roam
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' on

travelin' thru by dolly parton

All The Believers...

So, I spoke ill of the baby jesus last night. When the easter bunny visited me this morning all he gave me was a hangover!

At least I got a day off today. Something good does come of easter after all.

I Have A Toothache!

I found Heaven the first time I did heroin. Thankfully God does not exist, therefore, my heaven faded and I never went back. BUT I am in so much FUCKING PAIN right now I would kill and/or preform oral sex on a woman for a boot of H right now.

I need to go to sleep. Am starting a road trip in 5 hours. ugh.

vanity is painful

ouch my head burns

Song Of The Moment

I can't sleep so lets make a post.

Sometimes Lukewarm by Andrew Spice

sometimes you're just what i want
sometimes brainless fun all afternoon
sometimes you just disappoint me
sometimes you're just lukewarm

big and strong and tough all over
i think that i'm in love with you
hate and jealousy aside
lets ride on remark-ability

don't say a word now
cause is so unbecoming of you
and don't pretend to win my heart
don't even try

can't believe i would want to celebrate this
can't believe i would want to consummate
this waste of time

if we don't talk than we don't fight
getting drunk on wine on a saturday night
you're the best trophy in my game
no poetry goes with your name

don't say a word now
cause is so unbecoming of you
and don't pretend to win my heart
don't even try

can't believe i would want to celebrate this
can't believe i would want to consummate
but i guess it makes sense so lets not complicate this
things will be beautiful the way the are

don't say a word now
just lean in kinda close
and close your eyes
cause we'll be older soon

I've posted my secret. Have You?

yearning for the past...

intoxication

the sound of this
brings me back to that time
when you smelled so good
and the sight of you
was so soft to feel
only if i could taste your bliss again

I Need To Get My Stuff Done

I have been trying to write a cover letter for TWO days now. It goes kinda like this...

One Of My Own...

I'm always posting everyones songs/lyrics/poems to speak. Well here is one of my own. I started this in Sept of 2005. When I was living in California. That was the only other time, in the past 5 years, that I was sober a long as I today. I changed it very little on my revisit. I added a few lines and it still hold true to me today.

CLARITY


i have no real story to tell
about myself
i just wander, lost
like everyone, i guess

i have
no beginning that i care to remember
and no ending that i can yet foretell

and between my arrival and now
i have
walked, weakly, as far as i can
seen some shit
laughed a little
cried a lot
picked up some baggage
faded a bit
carried on when i just wanted to fall
lost control, however, and
i'm not sure how
i'm still here

people come
and people go
just like dreams
just like desires
good times shine
depression smothers
and still we breath
we don't belong
and still we're here

so make the best of it and smile
we all need more but in the end
it all goes away, so for now
at least we have each other
at least every now and then
nobody really knows anything for sure
so don't pretend to have it all
pick up your own truths, along the way
and fulfill them for you and you alone
it takes all kinds
you are who you are
i am what i am today

as a drifter, i feel complete
when i am still and alone
a light surrounds me
misty green and blue
with soft smooth sounds
in these moments
i know i'll be okay

i'm not sure how i've done it
when i see all this as
meaningless
all my miracles through all my miles
meaningless
its all subjective
and i'm not always sure
what my reality is

i just need some
clarity

Song Of The Moment

Merry-Go-Round by Joanna McMeikan

What happened to my dangerous days?
I used to be so hot, so extreme,
But this year's been tough and I got so self-protective --
Now I'm the Ice Queen

So quiet, so inviolate
A castle wall without a gate
All I do is sit and wait
For my arteries to harden

Middle-aged at 25
Imagination paralyzed
All alone Friday night
Walking in the garden

And even the trees are disappointed
To see me old before my time - they say
“Keep your roots above the ground
The years you lose can never be found
In evening shade there is no sound
Like laughter on the Merry-Go-Round,
Laughter on the Merry-Go-Round.”

I used to wake up at 4 a.m.
With my face in the sidewalk
Burned up the city, walked the high wire
I used to talk the dirty talk

But Saturday night at half-past ten
I'm in the grocery store again
Coming home to an empty bed
Stone cold sober

Middle-aged at 25
It's high time I came back to life
Wanna dance tonight under neon lights
Roll naked in the clover

And even the trees are disappointed…

I played football with Buddha
And when I asked him he smiled
He said "We all grow old in time
And you will soon, my child."
And life comes knocking at my door
Almost every day
I wrap my blanket around my knees
And turn the other way

And even the trees are disappointed...

Picture Survey

Here's how it works: 1. Go to www. photobucket. com (don't sign in) 2. Type in your answers to each question in the "search" box 3. Use only the first page results. 4. Copy the html and paste for the answer. 1. What is your name? 2. What is your relationship status? 3. What is your favorite color? 4. Who is your celebrity crush? ummm... i cant think of one... i have a "crush" on. i guess for some insane enlightnment id turn too.... 5. What band/artist are you listening to? 6. What is your favorite movie? 7. Who is your favorite disney princess? 8. Favorite beverage? 9. Dream vacation? (only one?) 10. What cell phone do you have? 11. What do you want to be when you grow up? 12. What do you love most in life? 13. One word to describe yourself? 14. Do you have any pets? not yet but some day ill have me.... 15. What is your favorite food? 16. Least favorite food? 17. Favorite cereal? 18. Random picture? 19. Biggest fear? 20. Favorite dessert? 21. Favorite TV show? 22. Favorite Store? 23. Birthday month? 24. Favorite Season? 25. Favorite Holiday?

Pathetic!!!

Now before i start this rant I want to point out: it was more the location rather the band.

I just got back from Puddle Of Mudd concert at the Riverdome, Shreveport/Bossier City, LA. Im rather pissed off I just wasted $20 on this show. And its hard to get me pissed. Umm I don't know where to being. Maybe this single quote will say it all for me.

As I was waiting for the headlining band to come on I'm listening the people around and I heard the fat guy next to me, drinking bud-light, say: "This is the girl that just told sercurity and got that ass hole thrown out. He was moshing and shit, I mean, like, come-on, there's a time and a place for that!"

OK you FAT FUCK, if that time and place is not a ROCK concert, where the hell would it be?

I knew i was doomed. I bit my tongue waited for the band and by the third song I had not been pushed, shoved, hit, grabbed, moved, or otherwise ANYTHING!! I was three people away from the gate, with some 80's chick hair rubbing on my face, and was able to turn around and walk away from the show in disgust.

I just came up with a quote for the fat fuck.

"If you go to a ROCK concert and the crowd is weak enough to let you WALK AWAY from it, you shouldn't be there!"

Maybe after being part of the Woodstock '99 riots I'm spoiled to an idea of what a rock show should be? Or, just maybe, Shreveport, LA isn't man enough to produce the dick???

Fuck You Very Much!!!

The Middle Name Game

Middle Name Game It's harder than it looks! Here is what you do. Use the 1st letter of your middle name to answer each of the following... They have to be real places, names, things... nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question. 1.Middle name? Adam 2. Famous artist/band/musician? Amos, Tori 3. 4-letter word: Anus 4. U.S state: Alabama 5. Boy name: Aden 6. Girl name: Akasha 7. Animal: American Bullfrog 8. Something in the kitchen: asiago cheese 9. Reason for being late? Adventures! 10. Body Part? see #3. 4-letter word 11. Drink? Absinthe 12. Something you shout? AAwwhhh FUCK! 13. Something you eat? Anti-Anxiety pills

New, Free Music!!!

This is Awesome, what Nine Inch Nails is doing read on and then download the FREE music and share it!:

http://thepiratebay.org/tor/4059158/Nine_Inch_Nails_-_Ghosts_I_(2008)

Description:

Nine Inch Nails: Ghosts I (2008)

Hello from Nine Inch Nails.

We\\\'re very proud to present a new collection of instrumental music, Ghosts I-IV. Almost two hours of music recorded over an intense ten week period last fall, Ghosts I-IV sprawls Nine Inch Nails across a variety of new terrain.

Now that we\\\'re no longer constrained by a record label, we\\\'ve decided to personally upload Ghosts I, the first of the four volumes, to various torrent sites, because we believe BitTorrent is a revolutionary digital distribution method, and we believe in finding ways to utilize new technologies instead of fighting them.

We encourage you to share the music of Ghosts I with your friends, post it on your website, play it on your podcast, use it for video projects, etc. It\\\'s licensed for all non-commercial use under Creative Commons.

We\\\'ve also made a 40 page PDF book to accompany the album. If you\\\'d like to download it for free, visit http://ghosts.nin.com/main/pdf

Ghosts I is the first part of the 36 track collection Ghosts I-IV. Undoubtedly you\\\'ll be able to find the complete collection on the same torrent network you found this file, but if you\\\'re interested in the release, we encourage you to check it out at ghosts.nin.com, where the complete Ghosts I-IV is available directly from us in a variety of DRM-free digital formats, including FLAC lossless, for only $5. You can also order it on CD, or as a deluxe package with multitrack audio files, high definition audio on Blu-ray disc, and a large hard-bound book.

We genuinely appreciate your support, and hope you enjoy the new music. Thanks for listening.


http://ghosts.nin.com

I Don't Have Enough Time...

View More Here!

dilate

i don't use words like love
'cuz words like that don't matter
but don't look so offended
you know, you should be flattered
i wake up in the night
in some big hotel bed
my hands grope for the light
my hands grope for my head
the world is my oyster
the road is my home
and i know that i'm better
i'm better, i'm better
off alone

Song Of The Moment

imperfectly by ani difranco

i'm okay
if you get me at a good angle
and you're okay
in the right sort of light
and we don't look
like pages from a magazine
but that's all right
that's all right

i crashed your pickup truck
and then i had to drive it back home
i was crying
i was so scared
of what you would do
of what you would say
but you just started laughing
so i started laughing along
saying, it looks a little rough
but it runs okay
it looks a little rough
but it runs good anyway

we get a little further from perfection
each year on the road
i think that's what they call character
i think that's just the way it goes
better to be dusty than polished
like some store window mannequin
why don't you touch me where i'm rusty
let me stain your hands
touch me where i'm rusty
let me ...

when you're pretty as a picture
they pound down your door
but i've been offered love
in two dimensions before
and i know that it's not all
it's made out to be
let's show them how it's done
let's do it all imperfectly

that's alright, that's alright